Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Mental Illness in: Movies

On the weekend as part of our churches sporting team we had 2 members from another church join us, it was great getting to know them both. What wasn't great is that I wasn't prepared for it (as you know my life has been full of distractions lately) and my first thought was 'what if they think I'm crazy?!' once they get to know me, (its a very in your face weekend surrounded by your teammates to say the least!). Here's the thing, I am 110% open with dealing with anxiety as in I don't hide the fact that I struggle with it. While most of the time no one really cares, I do get a few people who think I am crazy (or that its all in my head and I could get over if I really wanted to) because of it. I will openly admit that I see a psych and take medication for it (for me its due to a chemical imbalance as the base then its the environmental aspects) because for me its not something to be ashamed about, yet for some people its still hard to talk about.
This is why its important that TV shows, books and movies show mental illness as key themes as it gets people talking about it and shows people that dealing with mental illness isn't a major issue.
Continuing on with my series about mental illness in the entertainment industry is movies. I have tried to think about films that show mental health in realistic ways and only came up with two which is really unfortunate (please let me know if there are others I would love to watch them!).

 First up is one of my favourite movies that I think all young adults should watch.
Its Kind of a Funny Story - its story about Craig a young adult who feels overwhelmed with life and decides he will jump off a bridge instead though he checks himself into the mental ward of the hospital. You get to see what lead to his breakdown, how environmental factors effect your mental health and how he copes being surrounded with other people going through their own mental health problems. This film breaks down stereotypes regarding mental illness and helps you see that everyone struggles with mental health
When I first saw this film I was amazed at how well it was done and loved how I could relate to the characters.  Its one of those films that I think everyone can relate to and doesn't get enough credit for how good it is, the trailer (below) is well worth watching.

Silver Linings Playbook (blurb taken from IMDB) - After a stint in a mental institution, former teacher Pat Solitano moves back in with his parents and tries to reconcile with his ex-wife. Things get more challenging when Pat meets Tiffany, a mysterious girl with problems of her own.
This is another good film about mental illness but targeted for a slightly older audience than Its Kind of a Funny Story. I showed this film for the ReachOut film night I did as it covered mental health really well. Rather than just focusing on the main characters with the issues it focuses on the whole family and how they are coping it, also how society reacts when someone gets diagnosed with a serious mental illness.

Hopefully in the future more movies will feature mental illness, the more movies (and TV shows and books) that do the more that people will realise that its ok to be not ok.

Coming up in the series is books, you can read the first part of the series here.

Monday, September 28, 2015

This is happening

I am extremely tired and trying to rest up before work tomorrow yet I had to write this post! This past weekend I went down south to volunteer at the sport competition between all the churches, it was my first time driving such a distance alone (I left straight after work so beat most of the traffic) and I did ok. I got down just after 6.00pm and met Gemma for dinner to celebrate my birthday then arrived at the gym at around 8.30pm. The rest of the weekend is a blur and I left this morning before the official closing ceremony so I could beat the traffic and head home to relax. We actually came first in the small churches competition which was amazing and I can't believe that we did so well :)
Last night was a tough night for me, I was exhausted and couldn't sleep at all no matter how hard I tried! I find I need to get a decent amount of sleep (8-10 hours a night) with having anxiety as it helps me cope better, yet I couldn't and it was annoying to say the least. After tossing and turning for a good 30 minutes (I am also positive someone else was also having trouble sleeping as well which helped make me feel not so alone) I decided that maybe I should pray.
Recently I have been struggling with the direction my life is heading due to loosing my license. I just didn't understand why God could do this to me and I was a bit mad with him -why would he take it away after I worked so hard to get it?! My life has never been easy and it seems like just when life is going well or semi smoothly another obstacle happens. I know I shouldn't be angry with God yet it was easy not to.
I eventually ended up praying myself to sleep, I poured out everything, how angry I was at that this happening, how I feel like I am trapped at the moment as my anxiety has decided to flare up, how I feel so alone being one of the only Christians at work, you name it I prayed about it. When I woke up this morning (mind you at 6.00am) I felt calm and knew that despite the fact that this is happening, I would get through this. I was also for the first time able to look at the bigger picture, 3 months is only 12 weeks (I mean I was unemployed for almost 2 years!!!) and I will be able to get it back just before the school year starts next year. I officially don't have a license as of the 20th of October so I can start getting it back from the 20th of January (I unfortunately wasn't able to speed up the process which sucks!). I also realised that its super easy to loose it when you are in your first year of driving, all it takes is one speeding ticket on a double demerit period to loose it or 2 individual speeding tickets. I know it won't be easy but it will be bearable at least.
If you could continue praying for me that would be great, because the only way to get through this is with God's help.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

This isn't happening

Let me be clear I didn't want to write this post and I never in a million years thought I would be 'that person' but I am. I have lost my license. I refuse to go into details but I will tell you that it means 3 months without driving and me having to resit my practical test (you know the one I failed 4 times?). I tried to appeal it but that didn't work and now soon I will won't have a license for 3 months. I can handle the no license part for 3 months but not the resit the practical test part. This will mean that getting to work will be more challenging (and take longer) and my freedom/independence is gone. Its still a shock to the system.
I hand in my license this week but then I still have 28 days to drive (apparently its to get your affairs in order or something?!) but if it was up to me I would much rather have 7 days (so hand it in on a Tuesday then the following Tuesday the 3 months start) as it would mean that I could get it over and done with rather than it dragging out for 28 days.
I am not a reckless driver but it only took 1 offense for me to loose my license as I have had it for less than a year. I don't want people to think that I am a bad/reckless driver and that's my biggest fear, it was 1 offense and a complete accident.
I guess I just thought that my life would be easier now that I have a job, but its not. I don't know why God has done this to me, I mean haven't I been through enough?! This has shaken me in so many ways, it ignited my anxiety in me at work so the past 2 weeks have been hell and made me second guess myself.
A big part of me just wishes I could hide for the next 3 months yet instead I will face the world with a (fake) smile on my face because things have to get better eventually. I may joke about how I lost my license but deep down I am struggling in so many ways and I just want people to tell me it will be fine and its ok to let the tears fall even though once I start they won't stop.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Turning 21

This past week has been challenging to say the least! I worked a full day on Monday which I only just survived and when I arrived home I got a letter which turned my world upside down in a bad way(I have no desire to go into the details about it here but its nothing to do with work). Thankfully I got Tuesday off where I got to see my psych for my monthly appointment which helped, but my anxiety levels are still higher than normal and I spent a few days extremely jumpy at work (which is not a good thing to be when you answer phones and jump whenever the phone rings!). If you could please pray that this situation gets resolved soon and that if the outcome is not the one that I wanted that I will be able to get through the challenging times ahead that would be great. After everything has been going so well this has taken me by surprise.
Because my mind had been so preoccupied, my birthday celebrations were not something I felt like focusing on despite me normally being super organised in that area! Everything came together well though thanks to my Mum and Jocelyn (who baked and decorated an awesome Pinterest worthy cake!) and I felt extremely loved by my friends and family.
It was a good idea having a breakfast with the extended family in the morning as it meant that we could all chat and there was no awkwardness. It was also nice to catch up with them all under happier circumstances as the last time we were all together was at my Grandma's funeral.
Then we had a few hours to rest and reorganise before the next lot of celebrations! I had hoped the weather would ease off and we could sit around a fire and toast marshmallows but the rain and wind had other ideas so only the guys who were brave enough to endure the cold did in the breaks between the rain, the rest of us stayed inside. There were 2 games set up one of photos of me at various ages and people had to guess how old I was in them and the other that was a quiz that had basic questions. We also did ice cream sundaes which were a hit and just chatted with each other. It was great night and it turned out we had just enough space inside for everyone who turned up without it being too crowded!
I do feel like my birthday is getting dragged out a bit (which isn't a bad thing!) and have yet to decide what I will do on Tuesday morning before work but no doubt it will be fun.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Mental Illness in: TV

Lying awake the other night I began to think about how mental health is represented in the entertainment industry and how I am attracted to shows, books and movies if they show mental health. So I have decided to do a three part series listing the books, movies and tv shows I know that have shown mental health in some form. The first part will be tv shows the second will be movies and the third part will be books.

Today also happens to be R U OK day which is day that encourages people to ask their friends how they really are going and listen to them. So it seemed fitting to post this post today.

Mental health is rarely shown in depth on tv or in movies, I think because there is a lot of conflict surrounding it and its hard to portray in a positive light. Eating disorders are shown more often than any other type of mental disorder as you can see the effects of it physically and its an issue that won't cause a lot of conflict when they show it as it has been done before.

Glee - Glee has covered eating disorders (Quinn and Mercedes both struggled with peer pressure to be thin thanks to Sue Sylvester) and a suicide attempt. Though neither were done in major detail you could see the affects it had not only on the main character struggling with it but the rest of the cast.

Suits - This is a more recent show that has shown mental health and it was extremely unexpected! Harvey Spector has been struggling with panic attacks due to his secretary Donna leaving him which has brought back past memories of when his mother left him. He has been seeing a phycologist and you get to see how he struggles with coming to terms having a weakness and needing help.

Red Band Society - One of the main characters Emma struggles with an eating disorder and has been hospitalised for it. It isn't mentioned much at the start apart from that you know that is why she is in hospital but eventually you get to see the mental struggle and how it began later on in the series.

The Fosters - Sophia, Callies half sister is diagnosed with bipolar disorder in season 2 and you get to see how she struggles with talking about it and realising that this is an ongoing thing.

Open Heart - Mental health plays a big role in this show though none of the main characters have it. Dylan's father has gone missing unexpectedly but it turns out that he has bipolar disorder and that could be one of the reasons why he is missing. You get to see Dylan come to terms with that and question all his weird quirks, along with her sister who begins to question if she may also have it after realising that its genetic. It's great as it shows how mental illness can be hidden so well that sometimes someone you think you know well could be struggling with it.

Degrassi - Hands down the best show that portrays mental illness flawlessly. You get to see how mental illness affects everyone along with the character struggling with it. the following characters have struggled with mental illness:
  • Craig - bipolar disorder - we are lead to believe that this is genetic as his father also suffers with it. Craig has to come to terms with the fact that its not an easy fix and he will also have it.
  • Ellie - Self harm- Ellie's home life isn't the best which leads to her cutting herself as a way of escape, she eventually overcomes it but realises that she will always struggle with the urge to cut. She also helps Craig when he is diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
  • Darcy - suicide attempt - Darcy gets raped as a result of her drink being spiked and feels like the only way out of this situation is to kill herself, thankfully Manny comes to the rescue just in times and encourages her to get help.
  • Emma - eating disorder - Emma decides to go on an extreme diet with Manny to help Manny loose weight before a meeting with a TV producer, of course Emma decides to take it to the extreme and develops an eating disorder (which she eventually recovers from after an intervention from Manny and her parents).
  • Paige - panic attacks - Paige ends up putting herself in extreme stress which causes the attacks and she has to learn how to overcome them. 
  • Eli - bipolar disorder - This is an ongoing struggle for Eli and we first get to see the signs with his obsessive nature which eventually leads to him breaking down having to receive inpatient treatment. Over various episodes we see how Eli struggles with proving to himself and his friends (who are worried after the breakdown and his destructive behaviour) that having bipolar doesn't change anything rather makes him who he is.
  • Campbell - suicide - this was a major game changer for Degrassi and the episode was months in the planning. The producers met with various mental health professionals to work out a way to carry it out and show people the long term effects it can when someone kills themselves. Campbell decides to kill himself after the pressure people put on him begins to great and he can't see any other way to escape it all. The episodes leading up to it start to show Campbell falling apart and struggling with himself, the main episode is where is happens is done really well and you get to see the effect it has on the whole school. It is shown in a negative light through Campbell's girlfriend Maya who voices that she thinks that is selfish what he did. Through later episodes you get to see how it affects Maya long term.
  • Maya - anxiety - as a result of Campbell killing himself Maya begins to obsess over Miles when he becomes withdrawn and starts having panic attacks due to imagining that Miles has killed himself. Eventually Maya sees a psychologist to help with the long term effects of Campbell's death and realises not to always expect the worst.
These are just the main characters who have struggled with mental health this doesn't include Adam who struggles with beings transgender and the many other LGBT characters (Marco, Tristan, Fiona, Imogen the list goes on!). The girls who have been sexually assaulted (Zoe, Paige and Darcy). The school shooting that happens which has a domino affect on so many of the characters and lands Jimmy Brooks in a wheelchair. Teen pregnancies (Jenna, Liberty and Claire), cancer diagnosis's (Spinner and Claire), accidental deaths (JT due to a stabbing and Adam because of a car crash). Degrassi has covered all the hard topics and knows how to do it well and in a realistic way, they don't glamourise anything and will often re bring up the topics during much later episodes a great example of that is with Maya and how Campbell killing himself has made such a lasting effect on her and has in turn caused her to have anxiety. If you want to see mental health issues portrayed right on TV watch Degrassi and you will be amazed with how well they can do it.

The above are just the TV shows that I know of that have shown/covered mental illness at some point. Hopefully in the future more shows will approach it and help show people that it is more common than we are lead to believe. It would be nice to be able to watch TV and relate to the charcters that are struggling with mental illness not

Coming up next in the series is movies.

Monday, August 31, 2015

The balancing act

I have not disappeared off the face of the earth, I have just been extremely busy settling in to work and trying to get into some sort of routine.
Work is going well and I am loving it! My anxiety has stayed at bay and I credit that to God, the amazing work environment and my amazing supervisor. I see my psych on the 8th of September and I can't wait to tell her how I am going. I have spent most mornings just relaxing and getting in a good headspace for the work day ahead (I start work at 12.00 and try to leave at around 11.15am most mornings). I hope to start studying this week at least 1 morning but I am aiming for 2 :)
I turn 21 in 2 weeks tomorrow which is scary! I guess when I was younger 21 was this magical age, I would have my life somewhat together but the reality is I am still attempting to figure everything out and I know I will never fully have my life together. I have 2 celebrations for my birthday one for the extended family and another for friends both on the Saturday before. I have work on my actual birthday which will be different considering this will be the first time ever that it has happened (I have had school on my birthday but never work). I plan on doing something in the morning and taking in cupcakes to share for afternoon but I don't want to make a big deal about it considering the Saturday will be the big celebrations.
I think that turning 21 will mark the start of my next stage in life though, the working stage! I am so thankful for this job and as I keep telling my friends I couldn't have chosen a better workplace which made the major difference. I have had a bad run of working in places where the environment is really bad, people don't want to work there, the boss spies on you 24/7 and there is no communication between the boss and the employees. Yet with this environment people want to work there, the communication is great and there are no secrets between anyone. I know I can tell my supervisor when I am having a bad day and when I need extra support and the same goes for my colleagues, I am treated as an equal despite only being there 2 full weeks and its great.
I have a few plans for some awesome posts coming up and this Friday there will be Friday Favourites (which I have been working on for the past 2 weeks but haven't gotten the chance to finish yet!). Thanks for all your prayers lately and letting me take some time to work out this balancing act which is life!

Monday, August 17, 2015

My first day

Today I had my first day of work and I am exhausted! I left home at 7.30 this morning (induction was at 8.30 and I knew it would take me around 30 minutes to get there but figured I should give myself some extra time just in case something went wrong) and got home at around 5.15 this afternoon. The day was a lot longer than usual as I had my induction then went straight into it. I am so thankful that I know my supervisor and am already familiar with the place as my anxiety wasn't too bad compared to what it could be. I spent today listening in to calls and taking notes on how to answer them and also processing payments for rates, I do admit that it feels strange to be working after so long and I think that will be the biggest challenge getting used to working everyday. Working 5 hours a day is great for me as it means I will be able to pick things up quickly (compared to if I was only 2 days a week) and won't get overwhelmed by the hours. I also like being able to take the mornings easy and still being able to study and meet friends for coffee.
I turn 21 in less than a month which is exiting and I am trying to focus on getting to that as it will be around the one month mark and things should (hopefully) get easier from there. I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself and to just take it one day at a time, I know there will be days when I will struggle and my anxiety will play up but everyone has days like that and as long as I survive them I will be fine.
I still can't believe that I finally have work and that its in such a great place and environment, once again God knew what he was doing even though I struggled at times to believe that he did.