Thursday, September 25, 2014

God Provides

Today I had to run errands (yes Erin had to run errands - I have heard that one before!) as I am going away this weekend and today was the only day I could as I got my youth allowance (my only source of income) now I was dreading running them as I knew I would spend most of it on these errands (getting a script filled, buying sunscreen, shampoo, kitten food, etc. the list goes on!) which would leave me around $80 for the next 2 weeks to live off. As I was leaving the shops after going over my budget and calculating that I would only have $60 to live off so I decided to check my account balance which was over a $100 more than what I thought this really puzzled me so as soon as I get home I bring up my account details and I realised that for some reason I got a bonus of $110 which explained the extra money despite spending more than what I thought I would. Once again God provided me with not only enough money to run my errands but extra to help with whatever other expenses will come up (praying that there won't be much! Saying that having a kitten is expensive).
I am sure I have mentioned this before but when I was younger my dad lost his job and he had to work odd jobs and we lived pay check to pay check and struggled to pay the bills at times. But every time it got really tough someone would leave money in our letterbox or on our doorstep anonymously or someone we knew would hand us money saying they felt it was the right thing to do. Growing up I always knew God provided and honestly receiving this bonus today when I needed it most just reassured me of that.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

What are you scared of loosing?

In a bid to help me do daily writing I recently bought a Sentence a Day journal (as I received a $10 off voucher from Kikki K as I am on their VIP list for my birthday), every day for 3 years you have to write a sentence. Yesterday's sentence was: What are you scared to loose? I had no idea what to write down because if I am being honest I am scared of loosing so much.

I am scared to loose my mind as my Grandma has dementia and I've seen what she's like and its horrible.
I am scared of loosing my positive outlook to being unemployed and trusting in God and knowing he has a plan for me.
I am scared of loosing my friends and family.
I am scared of loosing Rikki and having to start over with another cat, loosing Alfie almost wrecked me and I don't know if I could do that again.
I am scared of loosing myself to anxiety.
I am scared of loosing my ability to always see beauty in the broken.
I am scared of loosing my church family.
I am scared of loosing my ability to put myself back together after a major anxiety attack or incident.
But the thing is I shouldn't be scared of loosing the above (and so much more) as I know God won't let me loose it all, God finds the things we have lost just like he found us when we were lost.

I have been feeling lost lately, I am confused as to what I should do with myself I seem to have people telling me what career path I should take as I am still unemployed. Some people are telling me I should go into something that allows me to be creative, others are telling me I should go into the food industry because I am an amazing cook and others are just telling me that I should take whatever I can get. The thing is I am stilling getting interviews in admin (I just had an interview yesterday though whether is turns out into a job is another matter) and yes I have other talents but they are what I do to relax. I love doing admin work, I enjoy helping people even if its only for a minute, I enjoy working on computers and entering data, I enjoy filing things and seeing the pile go down, I enjoy knowing that I am part of a team and I love knowing that I have a purpose and people need me. Maybe in 10 years I will go into cooking or something creative but I am still young (20 years old!) and for now I want to work in admin and just focus on saving money and starting to pave my forward in this world.
With God we are never lost or forgotten he has a plan and sometimes he just tells us to wait even if it seems he may have forgotten us.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Turning 20 and Friday Favourites

Sorry for the delay in posts! I really wanted to write something inspirational about not being a teenager anymore and turning 20 but nothing came no matter how I hard I tried! I ended up having a picnic after church with the young adults at the lake nearby my house, the weather was perfect and the girls sat on rugs and chatted while the guys (and a couple of girls) played frisbee I honestly couldn't have planned it better! On my actual birthday (Monday) we kept it quiet my family has no major traditions regarding birthdays, I opened presents in the morning (I received some cute silver earrings and some Little Miss PJs from my parents and a cute ring from my sisters which I has managed to come off thankfully in the house and I can't find it so praying it turns up soon!) and I caught the bus into town for some window shopping and to soak up the perfect spring weather. So I am now 20 and honestly it feels normal, I am still unemployed, I am still getting my driving hours up (I get my license in 2 months and 1 day so I need to start seriously doing that!) and I am still trusting God with my future!
  A lot of blogs I read often do Friday Favourites and I have had this post sitting in my drafts for quite some time so I though I should finally post it :)

Carman's Nut Bars I am trying to eat healthy lately and one of my new favourite snacks is Carman's Nut Bars my favourites are the Dark Choc Espresso bars and the Almond, Hazelnut & Vanilla roasted bars. I am allergic to macadamia nuts so its great that both these bars don't contain them and taste super yummy! As a bonus they are gluten free (which means my younger sister can have them) and fruit free (I don't like fruit because I am weird). I have 2 boxes set aside to take down south next weekend when my church competes against other churches in sports as I am once again volunteering and they are perfect for snacks on the go :)

Biore Self Heating One Minute Mud Mask and Deep Pore Charcoal Cleanser I love Biore so when they brought out these two new products I grabbed them! I love mud masks and the Self Heating One Minute Mud Mask has been amazing. Both my younger sister and I have been using it and have noticed great results, we both love how we don't have to wait any drying time and can feel it working straightaway. As for the cleanser I was curious about the charcoal element in but it really works and my skin has been thanking me for it, I have noticed less major breakouts and reduced blackheads since using it. Definitely worth trying if you need a new cleanser of just want to treat your skin with the mask.

Tied with Love custom printed ribbon. A few months ago my younger sister was traveling over east with her dancability dance troupe and an ad for custom printed ribbon appeared on my Facebook feed. I contacted the lovely Jo enquiring about the cost as I knew the girls on the troupe would love to wear some in their hair well it turned out the Jo used to do dance classes with the company and was more than happy to donate some! She went above and beyond and donated a stack of the most beautiful ribbon (photos don't do it justice) I had ever seen, there was enough for not only for the girls to wear in their hair but to put on luggage too! It is of great quality and looks great (none of the print has come off and this is after it gone through airport security etc. and been tied and untied) . Jo is great to work with and I am already trying to find excuses to order some more (as is my mum!). I ended up ordering some for my churches sport team for the girls hair and when I showed to the rest of the team they loved and couldn't believe that it possible to order custom ribbon for such a good price and how great the quality is! If you have an event that is coming up and want to add something extra why not get some custom ribbon, I can safely say you won't regret it.

The Bloodlines Series by Richelle Mead, I loved Vampire Academy and have been tempted to download the Bloodlines books (a sister series to Vampire Academy) for ages but I couldn't justify spending the money for various reasons but recently they came down in price on Kobo so I downloaded them and couldn't put them down. I read the newest book, Silver Shadows in 24 hours the moment it came out and can't wait for the 6th and final book to be released next February. I've never been fan of vampire books (I can't stand Twilight, I tried to read it and fell asleep) but I love Richelle's writing and can't put any of her books down!

Super Food Ideas magazine, I only ever buy one magazine every month and this is it. I love the recipes and always find a few things to bake out of every issue (and they end up being family favourites!). One of the things I love about is how it never uses strange ingredients in recipes and if for some reason a recipe does use a strange ingredient they almost always explain it what it is beforehand, where to get it and if you can substitute it for anything. The amount of times I read a recipe and think that I should make it then get turned off because of an ingredient that I have no clue what it is, happens more times than not! There is also always a good selection of recipes for all occasions and everyone's preferences from budget friendly to high end dining, from yummy desserts to scrumptious savoury dishes, from beginner recipes to complex recipes and everything in between! I have bought many other cooking magazines in the past and keep coming back to Super Food Ideas, it doesn't matter if you are just starting out in the kitchen or if you are an experienced cook this magazine is well worth a look at.

Red Band Society I have just started watching this show and its addictable! Already in the first episode you feel connected to the charcters and there is something relatable about it. I have been in hospital twice in my life the first was to get my tonsils out which was required so I could have an operation done on my palate to stop the air flow through my nose (which is linked to Dyspraxia) and even though both stays weren't long and the surgeries weren't major in a sense. But both times when I was in hospital I felt a connection to the other kids that were there, we were all in this place we didn't want to be it didn't matter if we were there for a few days, a few weeks or even longer we were at this point at time in the same place. The Red Band Society manages to capture that feeling between the charcters and brings it to life you also get to see the relationships that develop in hospitals and how for some kids teenagers this is their reality and sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation. I can't wait for the next episode and am looking forward to how it turns out.

I have no idea if this will become a regular post or not considering how long it has taken me to post this one but I will see :)

*none of the above companies know I exist, I just want everyone to know about them :)

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Trying to stay positive

People keep asking me how I stay so positive throughout all this time of being unemployed and the truth is I have to be otherwise I would break and get into a hole that I would never get out of. The thing is I do break at times, especially after I find out I don't get jobs that I want and felt that could be 'The job'. I hate breaking and wish I could stay positive all of the time but its not possible, I know there is job out there for me but I feel like I will never find it and each time I get knocked back I find myself just a bit closer to giving up completely.
I know I should be thankful that I have a good support system but its hard when so many of them have their lives together and then there's me the unemployed person who has to wait another 3 months until she can drive.
I turn twenty in less than 2 weeks and I know I should be exited, it means I am leaving my teenagehood behind but how can be exited when its looking like I will still be unemployed and will be a similar place where I was last year. Honestly all I want for my birthday is a job, I want to be able move forward and start saving for a car and wake up with a purpose but that chances of getting a job in less than 2 weeks seems impossible.
I know that God has a plan for me and trust him completely but I wish he would hurry up with it!

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Movie Review: If I Stay

Today I headed to the movies to see If I Stay and as I know a lot of my friends are trying to decide whether they should see it or not I thought I would do a review of it. I read the book and loved it, I read it in 24 hours and cried throughout reading it so I was expecting the film to be a tear jerker and it was! I would recommend wearing waterproof mascara and taking tissues when you go see it. I am really tempted to go see it again (I like to watch films at least twice where possibly as I love to focus on the characters and the little details that I have may have missed the second time round!).
For those who have the read the book its quite true to it, though my one complaint is that the accident scene doesn't have the same depth as it did in the book and I feel that they could have made it more dramatic and slightly longer rather than keeping it short and not showing how gruesome it should be, saying that everything else is spot on.
The actors have all done the characters justice Chloe Grace Mortez plays the part of Mia perfectly and Jamie Blackley seems to be Adam if that makes sense (you see him and you go that's how I pictured Adam, he's perfect!).
Even if you haven't read the book the storyline is gripping and I found much of it relatable especially Mia second guessing herself (as someone who suffers with self confidence I could totally relate to that part) and I think we can all relate to feeling like outsider which Mia also struggles with. The main theme throughout the film is does she choose to live and the inner struggle Mia has, this is shown with flashbacks to various significant parts of her life such as the first moment she saw/touched/played the cello, her parents rocker lifestyle, meeting Adam for the first time, auditioning to Julliard and her first major fight with Adam. The book also does this and I was curious as to how the film would be regarding the flashbacks and it works though the first couple of times it happens it can be confusing!
Would I see this film again? Yep definitely and its a great film to see with your girl friends :) Please do not drag along your guy friend/boyfriend/husband/brother/dad as I don't think they would cope with it! I only saw one guy in the whole movie theatre (he was in the row in front of me with what appeared to be his girlfriend) and I felt so sorry for him!
Did I cry in it? YES!!! Though not as much as I thought I would, I did cry in parts so wear the waterproof mascara and take tissues if you think you might cry during it, actually regardless whether or not you think you will cry in it as you will. My sister who told me that she would not cry in it cried as did her friend and I am pretty sure the bulk of the people in the theatre did as well.
The movie does end suddenly but so does the book but it makes sense once it settles in your mind. There is sequel to If I Stay called Where She Went which may get made into a movie depending on how well If I Stay does but the film does end when it should so don't think there should be more.
If you loved the movie it is worth checking out If I Stay and Where She Went both by Gayle Forman they aren't long reads and are both beautifully written.
I feel the need to end this post with a shout out to Rikki-kitty who decided that halfway through this post he needed attention which meant for part of writing this I was playing soccer with him in the bathroom! I'm not complaining as he hasn't been very playful until now so I am happy that he is settling in well :)

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Meet Paprika (Rikki) and an update

Thanks to everyone who has helped me cope with Alfie's death over the past few days, its been hard but I have survived!
Today I adopted another cat, my reasons for this is because as I am currently un-employed it means that I can be home with the cat and be able to bond with him, also because my heart was aching for another cat (even though I live with Bella and Maddy). I was looking on our local cat shelters website when I saw this little guy, after a call to the shelter and a talk to his foster mum (who I have promised to send email updates to) I decided that I would love to meet him. Well things went well and I brought him home, so meet Paprika or Rikki as he is known by.
He is ginger with a white chest and socks, his eyes are mesmerising and he love cuddles. He has potential to be a real sook and I am hoping a lap cat (I have just always had visions of me studying or writing a novel with a cat on my lap purring).
In other news I had a job interview yesterday which went really well and I am praying it will be the job for me! Its 4 days a week, close to home in a small office and the people who interviewed me seemed really nice. I will hear if I have the job next Tuesday and if I do I will start the following Monday (a week before my 20th Birthday, I still can't believe I turn 20 in just under 3 weeks!) so fingers crossed. Ideally if I get the job I would be working 4 days a week then study the other day as I am keen to get my diploma in business administration which I can do online over 2 years. So if you could please pray that I get this job that would be great, I know its in God's hands but its hard waiting to see what happens!
I am trying not to worry much and I know having Rikki will keep me busy. I am also planning on seeing the film If I Stay this weekend with my youngest sister, I loved the book so I am hoping the movie is good (though I am expecting to cry during it as I cried throughout the whole book!).
Once again my life has taken an unexpected turn but I am trying to stay focused and trust God during this challenging and confusing time :)

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Goodbye Alfie

This morning Alfie passed away, it was unexpected but it happened. He had caught a bird on Friday and one of the bones in the bird pierced his stomach (we believe) so last night he passed away. Waking up to this news was hard, he was my baby after all, yet for reasons I do not know it was in God's plans that it would happen. He almost 2 still a young cat who had helped me so much over the year and a half we had had him. He brought me joy and always made me smile, he could also be a toad at times and liked to destroy headphones and was obsessed with bells. He wormed his way to mine and my families hearts and loved to be around us. I need to keep this post short and sweet and not dwell on the past because that will only destroy me.

Alfie thank you so much for helping me get through so much, I will always love you and the house will be a quieter place without you, be sure to tell Tom hello from us and all the rest of the bunch (Meetchie, Chickpea, Floyd and Punch) as well.
Love you so much my furry little baby
Mummy xxx